Sacrifice
by TabithaWinchester
Summary: What if Cas never falls from heaven, instead living out his eternal life as a sort of punishment, penance for all he's done. Having to watch all the people he'd once loved die. Having to watch Dean die knowing he'd never see him again. (Destiel) One!shot


**Just a short fic of how Castiel's future would turn out since he never ages, looking back on the ****_family_**** he'd lost. I hope you enjoy it(: Feedback is greatly appreciated as always.**

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_**Sacrifice**_

Cas sat down on the old park bench he'd come to know, the end of his coat swaying in the cold winter chill at his feet. Snow was starting to pile on his shoulders as it fell, but he didn't feel it's bitterness, so why should he bother. It's been _years_. Years since he's seen his family, years since that family had grown old and died, some not even making it to the old retirement home and gray hair. Most of their lives had ended bloody, Johanna Beth Harvelle was the first. Hellhounds. Cas didn't get to know the human girl very well but he enjoyed her short company. _He_ had loved her, Cas knew that, she must have been a wonderful person if _he_ had loved her, more as a younger sister to that man, one he couldn't cope with losing. Jo had died trying to save that older brother from one of his worst fears, hell hounds, and in return lost her life. If Cas were there, he would have saved her, he knew he would have. Her mother, Ellen Harvelle, was more like the mother of all of them. She took them in and kept them safe as if they were her own, dying alongside her brave daughter, unable to leave her side or live without her. One of the bravest things Cas has ever recalled lately, the world has been getting weaker on bravery and heart and stronger on greed and betrayal. But you see the hope of the human race shine through some people, those certain people that you'll never forget, even after hundreds of years. They both died that night, mother and daughter together, up against the devil himself. But did it help? No. The plan still didn't work, as _he_ had said, _they died for nothing_. But that wasn't entirely true, they died _believing_ they made a difference, knowing they found a way to keep their family safe. Yes, the devil wasn't tricked on the first try, but when everything came together in the end it all worked out. Of course, when things 'work out' in the Winchester's lifestyle, someone usually ends up dying for the cause. This time it was Sam. Sam Winchester. The utmost bravest and kindest human being Cas had ever met, and he was his _friend_. Sam was the kind of person who needed to save everyone he could for penance, even if his messed up life wasn't his fault at all, he still felt guilty about every last thing. He had demon blood in his system, his whole life was a lie just trying to keep him in the right direction where he would finally end up... Well, _there_. Dying to save the world, to save his brother, his family. Yet with all his problems, all his grief and tortured soul, he was still the one who smiled and put everyone else's problems first, asking them if they were okay, putting them before himself even if it was as minor as his older brother losing a girlfriend he had loved. Everyone else was always _more_ important.

Sam was the one person in their family that got to live out his whole life as he was meant to. Growing old, hair turning gray, wrinkles spreading across his forehead and under his hazel eyes that still reflected all the pain he has been put through. Cas stayed with him, the whole time. They wouldn't talk about the others, couldn't bring themselves to do so. Instead they would just sit down at the table with a few beers and play a game of sorry. Cas never understood board games really well but found them quite relaxing over time. And Sam always loved it when he was able to get the Angel to play, mostly just enjoying Cas' company, knowing someone would alway be there for him, always be watching over him... He died on a Tuesday afternoon, the weather was nice, they were on the back deck of his house, sitting on the cushioned porch swing, just watching the sun reflect off the green yard, sometimes caught behind the clouds, casting large shadows on the ground. Cas was about to help Sam back inside to put him to bed when he found that Sam wasn't breathing. That was it. That was the final straw. Cas' whole world imploded and everything felt like losing _him_ all over again. He pulled Sam's limp body in his arms and just rocked back and fourth for what seemed like forever, crying the last tears he would ever be able to cry, praying for God to just end his life already. There was no point to it now, no one to take care of, no one to protect or watch over... No one to love and be loved back by. He was alone... Again.

Cas shifted uncomfortably on the bench, quivering slightly as he thought back to it. Yes, Sam Winchester was a good man, a _great_ one at that. And he _was_ his friend and always will be. Another name spun around his head, Bobby Singer. He became a father figure for the brothers, including Cas himself. Bobby was the least selfish person Cas had ever met, he did everything for those boys. When he died, they were lost. Bobby had always been the one they would turn to for guidance, to call when they needed someone to talk to. He always came up with solutions to his boys' problems, never complaining about his own or asking for anything. And they were... _His_ boys. He would always be their father, as he always said, _family don't end with blood_. When he had died he decided to stay as a ghost even after all he has seen in his hard life. He needed to stay with the Winchesters. He needed to watch over them, knowing they were safe and okay. Just getting to see their faces and hear their voices was enough for him, throwing his own eternity away just to stay. He had made contact with the boys finally and after that everything took a turn for the worse. As a ghost, he realized what he was becoming stuck on revenge for he one that killed him, at one point forgetting everything he had stayed for. He knew he had gone off the deep-end, he knew what happened to ghosts. He knew he had to leave... For good.  
Cas remembered that day, he was there, though his mind wasn't in the right place at the time, he would always remember that day. Cas looked down at his black shoes, the snow sticking to their surface. He couldn't bring himself to think about the last one. He just couldn't. He couldn't even say _his_ name in his head or he would lose it. He missed him, always will... Always. He was more than just family, _closer_. And he could explain this man like the back of his hand, every perfect aspect of this his life, every feeling this man ever felt, every problem this man ever faced, every moment of weakness, distress, grief, and... Love. Cas could explain every moment like it was yesterday because he was always there. That man had died in his arms, holding onto his trench coat so tightly that his knuckles turned white, hiding his face in Cas' shoulder comfortably, his breath slowing along with the beat of his heartbeat against Cas' chest.

_Will I see you there? You know... Heaven? _He had asked, his voice straining and hopeless, sending shivers done the Angel's spine. He let a tear fall onto the other's cheek, confusing him at first... He had never cried before. But he knew, he knew he wouldn't see this man again. He knew heaven wouldn't allow it... He knew heaven was most likely not where Cas himself would end up. But he couldn't bring himself to say that.

_Yes of course. I'll be there waiting for you. I'll be there..._ He just wanted to see the smile and flush of relief return to the man's face one last time. He loved that smile and he missed it horribly. The way the hunter's green eyes crinkled at the corners, shining brighter than the smile itself, projecting _him_. His soul, his love, his everything. That's what made it so special.

That smile didn't last long though, it slowly faded as the grip on Cas' trench coat loosened agonizingly slow and those green eyes closed for good. The angel sobbed, clenching the lifeless body to his chest, not knowing how he could keep going, how he could live his eternal life without this man. Everything about the world was dull to him then, that man meant... _Everything_. But he wasn't there, he would never be there again. Cas was seconds away from ending it, for good. Reaching into his pocket, tears still clouding his blue eyes, hand grasping his angel sword. But he had a promise to keep...

_Take care of Sammy, take care of yourself... Please._ You can't dishonor a dying man's word, especially if that man is the man you love more than anything.

And that's where his story travels back to his life with Sammy. Neither of them got over the brother's death. But Sammy was good at hiding it from Cas, not wanting to open old wounds and make everything worse. All the years that Cas has been an angel, never showing any emotions, incapable of _feeling_... In that last few, he's found himself breaking down in tears more times then he could count. Sometimes Sammy was there with him, hugging the crumpled angel against his side and soothingly stroking his back. But after Sam... _Left_, things were just that much harder. The lone fact of standing up from the park bench before the snow completely consumed him was hard enough. More then anything, he just wanted to die. There was only one thing that kept him going, one name. A name that haunts the back of his mind every minute of everyday of this eternal suffering.

_Dean_... That was his name. There, he thought it, one step towards moving on, right? No... Not at all.

The last thing he remembered was the sharp pain in his chest and blinding lights in his eyes, engulfing his entire being with a burning passion until he was no more. Darkness flooded over him, feeling warm and welcoming. Salvation.

_Relief_...


End file.
